


Whiskey, prayer and sweet nettle tea

by sweetnettletea



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Camila being a sweetheart as usual, F/F, Lilith gay panicking, camilil, i love them both so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetnettletea/pseuds/sweetnettletea
Summary: Lilith struggles with almost every aspect of her new life after being raised from hell, but the sound of Camila's voice might just be the only thing that can save her.
Relationships: Sister Camila/Sister Lilith (Warrior Nun), Sister Lilith/Sister Camila
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	Whiskey, prayer and sweet nettle tea

Things haven’t exactly been normal in her life, especially not with the recent events transpiring. Though, it seems like God is testing her faith and loyalty, and she can feel herself slipping away and away as each day goes by. 

Lilith stares at herself in the mirror on the bathroom wall and Shannon’s last words spoken solely to her spring to mind.

_You’re ready. We both know it._

She _was_ ready and has always been ready. Hours and hours of time and effort and discipline and isolation, training and fighting and protecting and pleasing. All for nothing. All for _this._

The silver strands in her hair are nearly gone, which must mean that the silver only appears when she uses her new abilities.

_Her abilities._

_Do you want to talk about it?_ Beatrice had said when they first made it to the safe house.

_Talk about what?_ She had replied unwillingly - as though the silver hair, random teleportation and long, sharp nails were all completely mundane and not at all out of character. But what was there to discuss? It’s not like she can remember the nature of events that had happened to her during _that time._  


The conversation had been left at that, and she’s thankful that Beatrice isn’t as pushy as Mary, or perhaps even Ava if given the chance.

Speak of the devil, “Liiiiiiilllliiiiiiiiithhhh,” Ava sing songs, banging on the bathroom door for the fourth time in the same minute.

“I’ll be just another second,” Lilith calls out.

It’s been almost two weeks since they fled the Vatican, hiding miles away in the mountain tops back in Spain not far from a small town - lest Adriel and his minions find them again. It’s been tough, and not just on Ava, but on all of them. They’re all still kind of in the process of accepting what’s happened to them and still unsure of who they can and can’t trust. They’re waiting for intel from Mother Superion, but other than that, they’ve been told to lay low for now.

Lilith splashes her face again with water and watches the droplets fall from her nose in her reflection. It almost soothes her, almost makes her forget what’s happened, yet she’s still loathe to find that she’s not quite sure who’s staring back at her. The blackouts are often and she feels trapped in a way, like she’s wrapped in heavy shadows and they’re pulling her further and further away from reality, away from her faith and her humanity.

It’s frightening her.

Ava bangs on the door again and Lilith drawls out a deep, heavy sigh.

Lilith swings open the door and does nothing but roll her eyes at the petulant grin she’s met with. She barges past Ava, making a speedy walk for the door. 

“Lilith, you okay?” Mary calls from the sofa, watching her. 

“Yes, going for a run.” Lilith says quickly, and not so accidentally slams the door behind her.

“Oookaay,” Mary replies, just as Camila asks; “do you think we should go after her?”

Beatrice shakes her head, “let her cool off. I can’t imagine what she’s been through and to be honest, neither can she and that must be very frustrating for her.”

“I mean, it’s gotta be some fucked up shit right? Did you see the colour of her hair and those finger nails?”

“Mary’s right... I feel terrible for letting her be alone, even if it’s just for an hour!” Camila says, lip slightly trembling at the mere thought of it.

“She’ll be fine,” Mary says, patting Camila on the back, reassuring her. “She’s Lilith for Christ sakes.”

At this, Beatrice reprimands her and Camila just stares, mouth agape.

*

Lilith isn’t sure how long she’s been running for, but sweat beads gather between her brows and across her forehead, her pants are becoming more and more frequent. She stops for a second, stretching to ease the tension on her muscles.

There’s a small lake ahead that she walks over to. She squats down and cups a handful of water, splashing it on her face - much like she had done this morning. It’s the only thing keeping her sane at the moment because any other time she feels like she’s a floating object being pulled in by the shadows of evil, threatening to take over her sanity. Her senses focus on the close environment surrounding her, and her ears catch the little squirrel scurrying up the tree. Her nose catches the faint smell of pine cones and wildlife as her hands focus on the soft grass between her lithe fingers. Lilith opens her eyes and sees her reflection in the water, the silver has completely disappeared and she feels somewhat relaxed, almost like she’s finding herself again.

Until;

“Lilith?”

Thick strands of shiny silver slither from her scalp just as razor sharp pointed nails severe enough to lacerate even the thickest of materials grow from her fingertips. Lilith jumps around, ready to pounce until she sees the intruder recoil away from her slightly. It takes her a moment to collect herself.

“Oh, Camila.” Lilith says, failing to sound the least bit apologetic whilst she bids her claws away.

The smaller girl stands back anxiously, looking legitimately terrified at Lilith’s sudden outburst. But, she takes a deep breath and flattens down the fake creases in her robe before saying with a bright smile, “I’m sorry Lilith, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Lilith almost laughs because _I didn’t mean to scare you._ “It’s fine.” She says. “How come you’re out here?”

“Oh! I came out here looking for you!” Camila chirps, suddenly dropping any previous feelings of anxiousness.

“Right.” The taller girl nods slowly and waits for Camila to elaborate further, and when she doesn’t, Lilith asks, “Why?”

“Oh, sorry of course... erm,” Camila clumsily fumbles around in her pockets, picking out a piece of paper with scribbles written on it. “We’ve been paired... together.”

At this, Lilith raises a brow, and doesn’t even need to grab the paper to read what it says. She towers over the smaller girl enough to be able to see it as clear as day.

Apparently, they’ve been tasked with obtaining: eggs, milk, cheese, rice, beans, a small first aid kit, shampoo, conditioner, two bottles of vodka and two bottles of whiskey.

“Ava and Mary of course.” Camila says, noticing Lilith eye the last two items on their list.

Lilith rolls her eyes at this, “Of course.”

“So...” Camila begins, clasping her hands together, “I’d say if we set off at the crack of dawn we should get back with the supplies before everyone wakes up. Oh, and I can cook everyone breakfast!” She smiles a little too brightly.

“How... wonderful.”

The silence drags on a bit too long after that. Camila opens and closes her mouth, trying desperately to keep the dead conversation alive a little longer, as though she’s really trying her hardest to befriend Lilith, but Lilith just hasn’t got it in her and the latter hates herself even more for it.

“Well, I’ll see you back at the cabin!” Camila finally chirps and grins a toothy smile which makes Lilith wince. 

Lilith doesn’t reply, instead offers a tight lipped smile as kind enough farewell gesture.

Tomorrow’s going to be fun.

*

It could definitely be worse.

They’re all sat around the smallest television ever watching The Devil Wears Prada.

_It will do us all good, we can bond with one another._ Camila had said with her signature grin.

Lilith observes them all. Mary won’t stop shouting at the screen, telling Andy the main character to _stick the fuck up for yourself._ Camila is leaning forwards, head resting in her hands and as usual with the biggest smile ever as she watches the characters interact. Ava and Beatrice are throwing heart eyes at each other every so often. They turn away when one of them sees that the other one is looking at them, and Lilith grimaces internally each time.

Okay, it could definitely be better. But definitely worse, maybe.

Fifteen minutes later after the umpteenth shout from Mary, one too many smiles from Camila and yet another longing stare between the two idiots in love, Lilith excuses herself for bed.

*

_The colour black surrounds her, threatening to swallow her up and forces her to attempt an escape in an infinite loop of hatred and fire. She can’t escape, though. She can feel resentment and anger and everything but at the same time she feels a void, empty, nothingness._

__

_She runs and runs and runs but it’s endless, as though she’s in a world laden in hurt and death, making her skin burn and tingle, feeding off her anxiety._

__

_“Help!” Lilith calls, but its echo ricochets back to her as though she’s locked inside a small room._

__

__

__

_She sits down and curls her legs up to her chest, holding them so tightly to herself so she has something to feel, something to grasp on to._

____

__

____

_Suddenly she hears someone calling her._

_____ _

__

_____ _

_“Hello?” She shouts. “Who’s there?” She runs towards the sound of the voice which feels like it takes her an eternity. There’s a figure ahead, and as she gets closer, she can just make out the face of-_

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

_“Camila?”_

______ _ _

She shoots up in bed, panting and heaving from her heavy slumber.

______ _ _

“You were having a nightmare!” The voice next to her says.

______ _ _

Ah. That explains why she saw Camila’s face.

______ _ _

“You’re soaked!” Camila exclaims, pushing the sticky hair away from Lilith's forehead.

______ _ _

Lilith’s skin feels tingly all over and she looks in the mirror dead on, noticing many more silver strands on her head. “What time is it?” She demands, trying to distract herself.

______ _ _

“The crack of dawn.” Camila smiles, but then frowns noticing the temperature of the taller girl’s skin decrease worryingly low. “Are you okay?”

______ _ _

“I’m… I’m fine, really.”

______ _ _

“Maybe we should get you to-“

______ _ _

“I’m _fine_.” Lilith snaps, yanking her arm away.

______ _ _

Camila takes a step back and Lilith wants to hit herself.

______ _ _

“I’ll just... meet you in the van when I’m ready.” Camila replies, and takes a few hasty steps for the door.

______ _ _

_Great. Just great._

______ _ _

Lilith gets out of bed and showers up, towel drying her hair knowing that the sun will rise and bestow heat upon them today. Once dressed, she fumbles around her room, ensuring that everything is in its rightful place before she leaves. She heads steadily toward the van, not in any kind of rush to get to the shops, because going to the shops means having to interact with other human beings and being around human beings recently isn’t exactly on Lilith’s list of favourite things to do.

______ _ _

Oh yes and there’s Camila, who’s already in the van as promised, ready to go with a smile on her face as though the interaction between them twenty minutes ago hadn’t just happened. Lilith will never be able to fathom how her brain works, but she imagines it’s all rainbows and sunshine inside there. 

______ _ _

“So, I suggest we take, hmm, this route!” Camila points on the map and follows the road down with her finger to the town centre where they’ll get their supplies from. “What do you think?”

______ _ _

“Yes, whichever is fine by me.” 

______ _ _

The car journey is mostly silent except Camila is humming along quietly with the music and Lilith focuses on each hum, letting it soothe her whilst her eyes wander out the window. It’s a little bit like earlier when she let her senses take over to keep her grounded to reality, and yet here she finds Camila’s humming having the same effect.

______ _ _

They finally arrive in the city centre. Lilith is slightly on edge because they haven’t been out since the train wreck of a mission at the Vatican, and none of them know if anyone’s watching them or tracking them, or where Adriel and Vincent fled to after trying to kill them.

______ _ _

They agree to split up much to Camila’s dismay, after searching among the area and finding no current threat. Lilith finds herself in the alcohol shop at Ava’s and Mary’s request, searching along the shelves of the many different brands of whiskey.

______ _ _

They had a specific brand in mind; and luckily there’s only two bottles of Jameson left so she grabs them and places them in her basket.

______ _ _

A deep, scratchy voiced man clears his throat behind her. “Excuse me love. I was going to pick those.”

______ _ _

Lilith turns around slowly and examines him. He’s got a bunch of tiny little holes in his t shirt at the shoulder and he’s wearing tracksuit bottoms that look like they’ve endured days and days’ worth of filth. His finger tips are brown with cigarette stains.

______ _ _

“Well tough luck. Perhaps next time if you’re quick enough.” She sniffs.

______ _ _

“Look lady-“ he places his hand on her arm and Lilith’s lip curls up in disgust, she opens her mouth to give him what for, when suddenly she feels a burst of anxiety thud against her chest that hits her like a punch in the face.

______ _ _

She recoils, feeling pressure against her fingertips where her nails threaten to grow, and the sharp thud against her chest gets harder and harder. _Not now. Not now. Not now._ The basket slips from her hands and falls to the floor, smashing both bottles of Jameson as it hits the ground. Lilith clutches her chest in agony, praying to God, begging him to help her control herself after she’s provided so many years of loyalty to him. The man has gone now, but people are surrounding her in the shop, asking if she’s okay, _touching her._

______ _ _

She needs something to focus on, something like earlier in the fields with the squirrels and the pine cones and the water. Something. _Anything._

______ _ _

Then she finds it - a low hum picked up by her ears. She focuses hard, forgetting the people around her asking if she’s okay and touching her back as a kind gesture. She forgets the broken bottles of Jameson on the floor, forgets the man who caused this problem in the first place and she does the only thing that will keep her anchored to reality in this very moment; she follows the sound.

______ _ _

It leads her to a shop in the town centre - _Londis Local._ She follows the hum inside, the pain in her chest easing with every step she takes towards it. Her eyes scan around, following the sound to the left and behind the final aisle, to find the source of the sound comparing two apples with each other, humming gently to the music playing through the speakers in the store with lips upturned in the most relaxed smile she’s ever seen.

______ _ _

Lilith literally can’t quite comprehend it, and just manages to say, “Camila.” 

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Camila turns around and her smile perks up when she sees Lilith. “Lilith! I found the eggs, milk, cheese, rice and erm, I would have found the first aid kit but the shop was closed, so now we might have to go without!” She tells, as though it’s the worst thing in the world.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith is silent, still wondering and processing, just staring at Camila as though she’s a foreign object that hasn’t been discovered on planet earth yet.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Lilith are you okay?” Camila says and grabs Lilith’s hand. There’s genuine worry in her voice, brow creased ever so slightly in concern.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith doesn’t reply, but instead looks down where Camila’s thumb is innocently and worriedly rubbing against her own which might make Lilith’s heart beat faster for reasons that make no sense. The anxiety’s gone now, and her fingertips no longer feel the pressure of her nails ready to grow.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Lilith?” Camila asks again.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith slowly pulls her hand away, collecting herself and wiping it down her robes. “I didn’t… I... I couldn’t get the Whiskey.” Is all she can manage.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Camila smiles that smile at her yet again and it does nothing to stop the fast but steady thump of her heart, and the smaller woman goes on to explain that _it doesn’t matter because they sell alcohol in the shop they’re currently in anyway_ and _Mary and Ava will just have to make do if there isn’t any Jameson._ Lilith stays mostly silent during the rest of their shopping trip, just listening to Camila speak and watching her interact with other people. She’s kind to literally everyone and her smile seems to be contagious Lilith finds.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Their trip back is yet again mainly silent though Camila doesn’t hum along to the radio this time and Lilith can’t help but admit that she feels somewhat disappointed, but pays no extra thought to why that may be, or why it stops her bursts of anxiety.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Instead, she Just watches the world outside of the van window.

______ _ _

*

____“Ughh,” Mary grunts as Lilith’s elbow impacts with her chin._ _ _ _

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Mary moves in, attempting to hit Lilith’s torso but gets blocked with each try.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“How long has it been?” Lilith asks between attempts.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Four weeks.” Mary replies, blocking each of Lilith’s stick hits with her own. She launches it at her but Lilith catches it with ease.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Four weeks?” Lilith repeats and blocks another one of Mary’s hits. “Mother Superion is right on time, then.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Mother Superion had finally re-grouped with them once she’d gathered intel of Adriel’s and Vincent’s whereabouts, though to their dismay, there was no sign of the two, only reports of wraith demons plaguing a small town around an hour away. They’d planned to go after this weekend coming, mainly to ensure that the area was well watched and that there definitely was no more sign of Adriel and Vincent.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Yup. Oh, by the way,” Mary stops aiming her stick, “we’re going out tonight, all of us.” 

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith looks up from where she’s picking up her stick from the ground, surprised. “Going... out?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Yeah, Ava’s idea.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

_Of course._

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Mary continues, “I think it’d be good to blow down before the mission, let loose for a night.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

_Let loose._ “And Beatrice... Camila?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Yeah, they’re down too. They obviously took a bit of convincing but nothing too extra.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“I think I’ll pass,” Lilith says immediately, paying no extra thought to it.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Come on Lilith, what’s gotten into you?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“It’s not my thing,”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Doesn’t have to be,” Mary says, “Come on you at least owe it to us.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“I _don’t_ owe any of you anything.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Suit yourself.” Mary shrugs.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

*

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith finishes up from her run and makes a steady jog towards the safe house to be met with Ava at the front door.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“What is that?” Lilith asks and eyes the object in Ava’s hand.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“It’s a phone.” Ava says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And well, it is the most obvious thing in the world but why is it being handed to her? Lilith has never really owned a phone, never really felt the need to and she’s no expert, but this one looks as though it was made in the nineties. “It’s good if we all keep in communication with each other, so I got us all burner phones, less chance of being tracked.” She elaborates.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

At this, Lilith is shocked, “And here I thought you were nothing but a-“

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Pretty face?” Ava waggles her eyebrows.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith scoffs, ignoring her, “How do you use it?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Ava shows her the main aspects of the phone, how to send texts and read received ones, how to make and answer phone calls. “I already put all of our numbers in there. They’ll be in your phonebook so if you ever need to text one of us, you can go in there and find us. Obviously, _I’m in there as the coolest person ever_.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Obviously.” Lilith repeats.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Are you sure you don’t want to come tonight? It’ll be a laugh, and you don’t have to drink, Bea and Camila aren’t.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“No thank you. I think I’ll pass on this one. Maybe next time.”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Alright, but don’t say we didn’t invite ya!”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Lilith says, tight lipped smile.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith sits at the dining room table reading her book, it’s extremely quiet and she absorbs the blissful silence like moisturiser on the skin.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

That is, until Mary, Ava and Beatrice come out of their rooms, banging around and raising their voices.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith doesn’t look up from her book, just mindlessly listens in to their absurd conversations about who would win in a fight between Ava and Mary, as though it would be any kind of competition on Marys part. She doesn’t take much notice, until Mary gives her a reason to.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Girl, look at you!” Mary blows out a low whistle. “Who knew y’all had all that hair hiding under there huh?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

At this, Lilith looks up, and the book nearly slips out of her hands.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Camila is wearing clothes, of course, but - _normal clothes_. No habit, no wimple. She’s wearing a pair of snug fitting mom jeans with high top converse and an off the shoulder white t shirt that’s tucked in, fitting like a glove to her thin abdomen. And her hair. _Oh, her hair._ Thick, dark shoulder length chaotic curls that look softer than feathers. Lilith visions looping them around her fingers but then imagines all of their faces if she did, imagines how weirded out they’d all be.

______ _ _

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To top it off, Camila has painted her lips dark red to complete the look, like the finest of wines.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith is speechless, and thankfully none of them have noticed that her eyes are glued to Camila, who’s suddenly looking over at her as the others chat and laugh about their usual nonsense with each other, and she smiles gently and Lilith’s breath hitches in her throat and her mouth goes dry and her heart _thuds_ just a little bit harder in her chest and none of this makes sense to her. None of these emotions she’s experiencing make any sense whatsoever.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

She concentrates on the book, or well, she _tries_ to, but she can see the form of a tiny Camila approaching her and _Please God, not now_.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“Lilith, hi.” The smaller girl says warmly.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith doesn’t look up from her book, just takes a deep breath and clears her throat before saying, “Camila, hello.” It’s very awkward on her part, but luckily Camila doesn’t notice this, or at least if she does, she doesn’t mention anything and Lilith is thankful for that.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

“I wish you could come tonight, but I understand why you don’t want to.”

______ _ _

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All Lilith does is hum and nod in agreement, keeping her eyes firmly glued to her book.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

“Well if you need any of us, you have our numbers, just call or text?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith finally looks up at her and swallows, feeling her chest tighten and her breath hold. The best she can offer is a smile that speaks nothing but pretence and not at all nervous.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

Finally, they all leave and she can breathe properly.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

She needs a cold, cold shower.

______ _ _

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*

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Something’s wrong.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

At least, she thinks somethings wrong because her fingertips feel pressurised and the silver strands are yet again making their grand appearance. She feels tingly all over, as though her body is telling her that something is about to happen.

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Then, she gets a sharp, stabbing pain in her head that nearly knocks her off of her feet.

______ _ _

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Something’s definitely wrong.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

The girls have been gone for two hours, no texts, no calls, nothing.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

She’ll call Mary - see if everything is okay, then she can relax and stop worrying. She opens up her phone book and scoffs, Ava literally put her name in as _coolest person ever_. She calls Mary once, no answer. Bea – no answer. Ava, not surprisingly, no answer. Camila – no answer, and strangely it’s the latter that worries her the most.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

The anxiety builds up in her chest, swirls of silver have fully taken over now and sharp razor blades grow from her finger tips, the feeling inside her is completely unfamiliar – like she’s needed, or being called for by someone so desperately that the force is trying to tug her towards it. She focuses her senses on the force, letting it take over her body, and the atoms inside her feel like they’re bouncing around everywhere, like someone’s pouring a glass of water yet she is the water.

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

Lilith opens her eyes and she’s now in a dark street, somewhere in the town that’s the closest to their safe house. But why? She walks around the corner of the street but it’s just another empty road. Then, after a few minutes she hears someone cry for help and it sounds like- _Camila._

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

She focuses, so intensely like she never has before and feels her body loosen again, and finds Camila’s voice to follow. She opens her eyes quickly and sees Camila in front of her, who’s just pulled the trigger of her crossbow but Lilith catches the arrow with ease.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

“Behind you!” Camila cries.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

Lilith turns around, two male wraith demons – she can tell by their fully dilated pupils. She runs over to Camila, who’s bleeding from her abdomen. Camila falls into Lilith, lightheaded and so vulnerable that Lilith can’t do anything but swear to protect her, to help her and to heal her. She pulls up every last bit of energy she has and teleports them away, to outside of the safehouse.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

Lilith sets her gently to the ground, no time to rush Camila inside as she shakily puts pressure on to her abdomen wound and holds her head in her arms.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

“Stay with me Camila!” Lilith bawls. “Please!”

______ _ _

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______ _ _

Camila opens her eyes, disoriented and faint, and she only manages to say one thing to Lilith before blacking out completely.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

“What happened to you Lilith?”

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

*

______ _ _

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______ _ _

It’s been a whole twenty-four hours since the incident. A whole twenty-four hours since Camila nearly died. All kinds of intrusive thoughts swirl around in Lilith’s head.

______ _ _

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______ _ _

_What if I didn’t get there on time?_

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_What if no one found her?_

_______ _ _ _

____

_______ _ _ _

_What if I went with them, would this have happened?_

_______ _ _ _

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No. This isn’t on her. It’s on everyone but her. She thinks back to the fiery conversations once the other three got back to the safe house.

_______ _ _ _

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_______ _ _ _

_Lilith paced and paced and paced around the bed that Camila was laid in, she’d managed to get the bleeding under control and managed to clean the wound, thankfully._

_______ _ _ _

____

_______ _ _ _

_Her head snapped up when she noticed the front door to the safehouse open._

________ _ _ _ _

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________ _ _ _ _

_“Lilith?” Beatrice had called._

_________ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_“In here!”_

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_“Oh thank god!” Beatrice and Mary had sobbed with relief when they saw Camila on the bed. “How is she?” Mary asked._

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_They were all covered in cuts and bruises, Mary had a huge cut going from the corner of her left eyebrow to her head. Beatrice had a split lip and other than a blood-stained t shirt, Ava looked unharmed most likely due to the Halo’s healing Power._

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_“Stable. Just. No thanks to any of you.” Lilith had said, causing Mary to surge forward and Lilith’s claws to grow longer._

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_“Back off Lilith, maybe if you we’re there with your sisters then this wouldn’t have happened.”_

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_“Don’t you dare pin this on me Mary, this is your fault. Not mine. What the hell happened? Why was Camila left alone?”_

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_“Enough!” Beatrice had exclaimed. “Mary, Lilith, stand down. This is no one’s fault, we let our guard down for one night and it was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”_

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_Ava was only silent for once, watching everyone speak over each other, back and forth._

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_“Yes, that’s right. It won’t be happening again. How could you be so stupid!”_

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That was twenty-four hours ago. Now Lilith is sitting beside Camila’s bed, waiting for her to wake up, _praying_ that she wakes up, having not left her side. Her breathing has steadied out and has become stronger which is a good sign, and Beatrice has stitched the wound up, noticing that the weapon hadn’t hit any organs.

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Camila didn’t deserve this, she’s kind, and loyal and willing to do anything for her friends. Willing to give her life for them.

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“I’m sorry,” Lilith whispers gently, to thin air mainly.

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“For what?” Comes a small, dazed laced voice.

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“Camila! You’re awake!” Lilith exclaims, leaning down and running a soothing hand across the smaller girl’s cheek, moving a few curls away from her face. “Are… are you in pain, uncomfortable? Here,” she grabs a glass of water off the bedside table, “you need to drink something, you must be so thirsty.”

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And out of everything that Camila could possibly do; she smiles. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes like usual but it’s still bright enough to light up the whole of Lilith’s world.

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“I… I’m so glad you’re okay, I don’t, I don’t know what I would’ve done if-“

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“Hey, it’s okay,” Camila grabs her hand and squeezes it weakly, still smiling, gesturing that everything is going to be fine. “I wanted to-“

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Suddenly the bedroom door bursts open, Ava and Mary and Beatrice and Mother Superion all barging in at once.

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Lilith quickly let’s go of Camila’s hand, heart clenching when she sees a slight questioning, yet longing frown on the smaller girl’s face at the loss of contact. She lets the other women crowd Camila, lets them shower her with attention as she slips out of the room quietly.

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_No one will notice anyway._

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*

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“Okay, that’s the last of them… I think.” Ava tells them, catching her breath.

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“You think or you know?” Mary asks, dual shotguns pointed here there and everywhere. 

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“It is it is.” 

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“Fucking Wraith Demons.”

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It’s been two months and they’ve been on a few missions but this is probably the biggest one yet since Adriel and Vincent. Many wraith demons have been plaguing another small town in Spain, and the team have just rid the town of the last of them.

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They head back to their safehouse to rest and clean up. Lilith is stood in front of a tall mirror in the hallway, examining herself. Her hair is fully silver as usual, yet her claws seem to have gotten longer and she’s sure her incisors are becoming even sharper, more prominent - and her face is covered in blood.

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She absolutely hates herself. Hates what she’s become. Hates God for burdening her with this life after pledging hers to him.

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“You did so well out there.” She hears from her left.

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She looks at the source and finds Camila watching her looking at herself in the mirror.

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Lilith just looks at her, literally just _stares_ right at her, and then without realising it, she runs. Runs out of the front door and runs and runs and runs, past the fields and up the hills, breathless and tired of not knowing a thing about herself.

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She stops near the river, completely exhausted.

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“Lilith!” She hears behind her after around five minutes.

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When she turns, it’s to Camila slowly approaching her, also breathless and exhausted having ran after her up here. There’s that longing look in her eyes that makes Lilith weak at the knees and Lilith just completely breaks down in front of her, eyes welling up and tears falling down her blood stained cheeks.

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Camila is quick to embrace her tightly, face burying into Lilith’s neck with the height difference making them a perfect fit. “Just tell me what I can do to help you Lilith.” The smaller girl whispers. “Anything, I’ll… I’ll do anything.”

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And after a few silent moments;

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“Hum for me,” Lilith breathes.

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At this, Camila is slightly taken aback but not in a bad way. “Hum for you-“

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“Please Camila,” Lilith begs and clutches on to the smaller girl’s shirt so tightly, almost worried that she’ll disappear somehow, “just… hum for me.”

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And so, Camila does. She buries her face back into Lilith’s neck and hums slowly along to _Frank Ocean’s – Pink + White._

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Lilith just listens, and lets the sound of Camila’s voice take over her mind body and soul, relaxing into the embrace. They stay like this for a few moments until Camila has hummed most of the song, and when they pull back a little, Camila smiles at her.

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“There you go, all better now.” She gestures towards Lilith’s hair and nails.

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“I don’t think I can do this without you - you make me feel so calm… so normal.“ 

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“You don’t have to Lilith. I will always be here for you, and I am always here when you’re ready to talk about what happened.”

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“That’s the problem,” Lilith quivers, “I have no idea what happened to me and I think it’s making me lose my mind.”

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Camila reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Lilith’s ear, before saying, “Well why don’t we take it one step at a time and figure it out together?”

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Lilith can only kiss her in response.

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It’s soft and slow at first, expressing weeks of longing and craving, Camila’s skin warm beneath her hand. Camila sighs contently into the kiss, bringing a shaky hand up to run through Lilith’s thick, brunette locks, scratching against her scalp lightly, standing on the end of her tiptoes to reach Lilith’s mouth better. Lilith deepens the kiss, swiping her tongue along Camila’s bottom lip and nipping slightly, drawing out a small, quiet moan from the latter, making them clutch on to each other so tightly, letting themselves get lost in a moment they’ll never forget.

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They reluctantly pull back eventually, their skin is hot and their cheeks are flustered, but they never let go of each other.

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“What now?” Lilith asks her.

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“Now, I say we go back to the safe house and carry on as normal.” Camila holds out her hand for Lilith to take, “but with each other.”

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And Lilith can’t do anything but take it and go with her.

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**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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